Go Bluebirds!

Sunday, July 30, 2006


I hate humidity. Enough to find someone that doesn't mind it and hit them. Ohio in the summer suffers under an unmoving haze that resembles nothing so much as a fat man that sits on your chest and refuses to get up:

Ohio: "Could you please, ah, get off my chest, fat man?"
Humidity: "Uggghh."
Ohio: "Yeah, cause this is really annoying. And you're making the Indians lose."
Humidity: "Ughhhh. So.....tired. Must.........sit."
Ohio: "Please. Get. Off. My. Chest. I'm hot. And it's really fucking humid, ya know...."
Humidity: "Uggghhh. Couldn't......hear....what....did.....you....say?"
Ohio: "Uggghhhh.......so...........humid."
Humidity: (Lets off more humidity).
Ohio: "Ugggghhhhh."

People in the Southwest bitch that Midwesterners vacation in their neck off the woods (or desert) and remark "....but it's a DRY heat!" You'll find no sympathy here. We're already exporting our population and jobs to the Sun Belt.....it's time we exported the humidity as well.

Yesterday, I was (for the umpteenth time in as many days) emptying the Stephens de-humidifier, and it occurred to me just how much water I was pouring down the drain......my best guess-timate was about a gallon a day...and this in an AIR-CONDITIONED house.

Pity. All this humidity, and no one to share it with.

In order to rectify this sad state of affairs, I propose the construction of a very large de-humidifier somewhere in the Midwest (preferably Indiana), collecting all the water and dumping it in, oh, Scottsdale or something.

Standing water, mosquitoes, humidity, oh my!

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